Trouble on Paradise Island

You know what's wrong with Hollywood? You know what's wrong with the current crop of "actors/singers/celebrity A-holes" that are seemingly armed with everything but talent? I'll tell you what the problem is:

Lohan the one for “Wonder Woman”?

Although no talks have even begun, Lindsay Lohan thinks playing the role of Wonder Woman in the upcoming feature would be “cool.”

By Mark Umbach, FilmStew.com

Everybody is wondering which woman will be Wonder Woman. If it were up to starlet Lindsay Lohan, she says she’d take the pilot’s seat in the invisible jet in a heartbeat.

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer” vet Joss Whedon is currently developing a feature film based on the comic book superheroine for Warner Bros. Pictures. While Lohan admits that she’s currently looking for roles outside her current milieu of teen and kiddie films, she thinks playing Diana Prince would be too cool.

“Wonder Woman would be cool. I’m trying to find roles right now that are different to anything I’ve done to show my abilities, to show that I have some sort of stretch in me. Because most of the things that I’ve done so far are aimed at younger girls and are light-hearted,” she recently told OK! magazine.

Oh, hell no! No, no, no! I can't even begin to describe all the ways this is a bad idea. The only thing that keeps me from wrapping a mylar bag around my head is the fact Joss Whedon has been pretty clear that he wants someone statuesque, a warrior-woman, a goddamn AMAZON! That is not Lohan. Hey, while we're at it, why don't we cast Clay Aiken as Batman?

You just know there's some jerk somewhere who's actually considering this. I imagine a boardroom full of execs muttering "Synergy, synergy, crossover" while flapping copies of "Teen People" at each other.

There are certain things you need to make a character come alive. Look, it's simple:

Right














Wrong










Yes!























Great Hera, no!!

Favorite Panel Friday

Here's a new feature that hopefully won't fall by the wayside (Shut up. I might still pick up that other one. Maybe).

Every Friday I'll pick the one panel - out of the stack of new comics I read every week - that for one reason or another gave me the most fanboy joy.

This week was a close call: It was almost a panel from the outstanding Cthulhu Tales, but Fantastic Four: First Family #3 pulled it out with this classic depiction of Mr. Fantastic doing what he does best - going "boing." And look at that Mole Monster! That, my friends, is some understated hilarity in an already chock-fulla-fun panel.


By the way, this panel was slightly modified to minimize the panel originally jutting into it. Seriously, it was distracting as a mutha. Oh, and the art is by Chris Weston, with inks by Gary Erskine, in a comic written by Joe Casey.

Beetle-mania

Did you know the new Blue Beetle is supposed to be from El Paso? That's right, a new character who's integral to the current "Crisis" storyline, who'll be getting his own title in late March, who's replacing a beloved and dramatically killed-off character, and whose name is JAIME FRIGGIN' REYES, will be from my hometown.

See that truck in the background of Panel 2? That's a Big 8 truck! Big 8 is an El Paso chain of grocery stores, and outside of Chico's Tacos you can't get more El Paso than Big 8.

Man, it sure would be great if I knew some journalist-types back in El Chuco who could maybe play with the idea of pitching a story idea to the lifestyle section. C'mon, it wouldn't be that hard and it would be fun. El Paso could be cool for once. C'mooooon! And it's not as if you can't track down the background information - one of the writers even has his own blog!

I'm just saying.