WTF Wednesday: Speaking of Captain America ...

... and his anticipated rise from the dead, I was also half expecting this to happen:


Panel from Ruins #1
Warren Ellis, writer; Cliff Nielsen and Terese Nielsen, artists

WTF Wednesday: Oh, THAT teleport ring

One of the dangers and joys of reading older comics is never knowing who's going to show up. Marvel seemed to be especially quick to jump on any trendy bandwagon back then (how many Obama covers did they put out again?), and even if it wasn't a full-on appearance, that didn't mean the heroes were above a little name-dropping.


OK, wait. I know Saturday Night Live was extremely popular at the time, but that can't be right, can it? Let's check that handy editor's note, because there's no way JOHN BELUSHI made an appearance in ...

... oh.


Panel from Marvel Team-Up #83
Chris Claremont, writer; Sal Buscema and Steve Leialoha, artists

WTF Wednesday: In this case, I'm the dog

The steady rumble of work at the day job has suddenly (OK, not that suddenly) turned into an avalanche that's going to take some extra attention to get out from under, so updating is going to continue being spotty this week. Things should be settling down by this time tomorrow — oh god, please let it settle down — and then posting will be back on track. Such as it is.

In the meantime, I'm glad I've got Herbie on my side.


Well, you know what I mean.

Panel from Herbie Archives Vol. 1
Richard E. Hughes (as Shane O'Shea), writer; Ogden Whitney, artist

WTF Wednesday: I seriously cannot resist a joke about Uranus

Honestly? Context really wouldn't help this make much more sense, but any Love and Rockets comic is just so freakin' charming and well-done it doesn't matter. Just go with it.


Panel from Maggie and Hopey Color Special #1
Jaime Hernandez, writer and artist

WTF Wednesday: Every little thing he does is magic

From now on, I'm entering every room just like this.

Panel from Deathmate: Blue (#2)
Joe St. Pierre, writer; Sean Chen, penciller; Kathryn Bolinger, inker

WTF Wednesday: Superman's toughest game of rock-paper-scissors ever

As most comic fans know, Superman's invulnerability has been a slippery thing. Depending on who's writing him, what era he's from or even which Earth he calls home, Superman can sit and sip tea in the middle of an exploding star without burning his crumpets, or take a sock in the jaw hard enough to make little stars shoot out of it.

Over the years Superman's been battered, bruised, bloodied or just bemused by villains taking a poke at him. We even saw him beaten to death. (For a little while. Sorta. Mostly to let his Kryptonian locks grow out.)

In any case, there's no denying he can take some punishment. So whenever he's actually injured ... well, it can be a shock.

You seem a little snooty about your "invulnerable skin" considering you're holding a stump there, Lefty. Still, it can't get any worse than that, right?

Don't do it! Don't do it!!!

N-NO-OOO!!! And it's still smoldering!! BLARF!!!

Panels from The Adventures of Superman #439
John Byrne, writer; Jerry Ordway, penciller; John Beatty, inker

WTF Wednesday: Zee Superman, he ees very French, no?

One of the things I always found amusing about Silver and Bronze age Superman stories was the incredibly goofy lengths Supes and Lex Luthor would go to in order to trick each other instead of just, y'know, bopping each other in the head or something.

A good example of this is Superman #416, which has Superman disguising himself not once, not twice, but THREE times during his pursuit of an especially slippery Lex (hellooo, Google search!). In all fairness, though, I should mention Luthor only breaks out the costume kit once. On the other hand, Superman disguises himself as a bum (Lex: "Get lost, vagrant!") and a soda jerk in quick succession.

But it's his last bit of camouflage that won 'em over in Cannes, using nothing more than a beret and an accent so bad you can actually hear it. Oui! Il est Superman français!

Hey, nice nameplate, Lex!

Well, sorta.

Panels from Superman #416
Elliot S. Maggin, writer; Curt Swan and Al Williamson, artists

WTF Wednesday: I think I just coughed up a hairball

Sometimes people will stop me on the street and ask, "Max, when did Chris Claremont lose his ever-lovin' mind?"

And usually I'll tell them that it was gradual, the kind of madness that creeps up on a person so slowly that even those around him don't notice they're buying craploads of crappy comics until it's too late. But when the man on the street deems that answer a "bunch of bullshit," well, that's when I say, "Magik #2."

Because when you write a story that takes characters you yourself raised to +2 beloved and throws them into a sorta-alternate universe where they're all dead, that's kinda kooky. But when you top that off by having Belasco, the lord of limbo, turn Sword-Fightin' Action Kitty Pride into an actual cat-woman ... brother, you're officially out there.

Also, Claremont should never be allowed to use the word "stroke" again.

Panel from Magik #2 (of 4)
Chris Claremont, writer; John Buscema, penciller

WTF Wednesday: When strikes ... the Funny Bunny!

Spider-Man is not only a hero ...


Like lightning, the web-slinger is on the case!


Even when answers are hard to get, Spidey doesn't give up. Dammit, table lamp — talk!


Meanwhile, tonight's nightmare is revealed!


Oh man, this is getting to be too much for me — I think I'm ready to end this post right now. I know Spider-Man will be disappointed, but ... wait, what'd you say?


Thanks, Spidey!

Panels from Spidey Super Stories #9
Jean Thomas, writer (based on a script by Tom Whedon); Winslow Mortimer, penciller;
Mike Esposito and Tony Mortellaro, inkers

WTF Wednesday: And you thought your baby was smart

All it took was the reappearance of the Shilo Norman version of Mister Miracle and a quick cameo by freakin' Frankenstein in Final Crisis, but I've been on a real Seven Soldiers kick lately.

To be specific, I'm talking about the characters Grant Morrison dug up, recreated or let spring out fresh and new from his nut-filled head in his Seven Soldiers mega-series. And even though I've been rereading it, I still can't quite put my finger on what it is that makes the series so appealing to me.

Click to Baby Brain-size

Oh, wait ... now I remember: SUPER-INTELLIGENT BABY FIGHTING FAIRIES.

Y'know, rereading this series doesn't make it any less crazy at all.

Panel from Seven Soldiers: The Manhattan Guardian #4
Grant Morrison, writer; Cameron Stewart, artist

WTF Wednesday: Superman settles disputes the old-fashioned way

Apparently, creators aren't the only ones with contract problems ...


It's the Kryptonian! Or ... is it? Who wants to take a guess at what's really going on here?

By the way, "You're gonna hafta take a seat, Koko," has just entered my daily vocabulary — you've been warned.

Panel from DC Comics Presents #81
Keith Giffen, plotter and penciler; Robert Loren Fleming, dialogue; Bob Oksner, inker

(Seriously, who else could it be?)

WTF Wednesday: Top o' the Skrull Home-world, Ma!

Hey, remember when a bunch of Skrulls decided they wanted to look and act like gangsters? I wonder where those intergalactic conquerers got that idea?

Click to Super-Skrull size!

Waaaait a minute — whadya think I am, some kinda mook? What could possibly explain the Fantastic Four (oh, and that Crystal dame) putting the lean on a couple of Skrulls in the back of a flying Model-A?


Oh, yeah ... STAN LEE and JACK KIRBY.

Panels from Fantastic Four #75 (1978)
Originally published in Fantastic Four #93
Stan Lee, writer; Jack Kirby, artist; Frank Giacoia, inker

WTF Wednesday: Is a high-caliber walrus too much to ask for?

Thanks to his role in the recent Star-Lord mini-series and now the Guardians of the Galaxy ongoing, grateful readers are being reintroduced — or meeting for the first time — what may be Bill Mantlo's greatest creation.

Am I talking about the Micronauts?

Nope.

Surely I must mean Rom!

ROM! Greatest of all spaceknights!

But no. I'm talking, of course, about Rocket Raccoon, the kick-assingest space-cop to ever knock over a garbage can! Originally created by Mantlo and Keith Giffen (and later immortalized in a limited series illustrated by Mike Mignola, of all people), Rocket Raccoon is a caretaker of the insane and a killer of robotic assassin clowns, and that is nothing but pure awesome.

But as much as I love Rocket, and as excited as I am to see him back in full furry action (um ... ew ...), I have to wonder: Whatever happened to Wal Russ?


I NEED MORE WAL RUSS.

Panels from Rocket Raccoon #1 (of 4)
Bill Mantlo, writer; Mike Mignola, artist; Al Gordon, inker

WTF Wednesday: ... and let slip the frogs of war!

If someone caught their spouse sucking face with their new "business partner" in their own driveway, most people would either start fightin', start drinkin' or start looking through the Yellow Pages for some good ... um, lawyerin'.

So what does The Atom do? Naturally he goes to the Amazon, saddles up some frogs and becomes the barbarian leader of the Tiniest Rebellion Ever.

Click to bullfrog-size!

This isn't even the craziest thing to happen in this mini-series (that would be Jean); check out The Absorbascon for the whole story!

Panel from Sword of the Atom #4 (of 4)
Jan Strnad, writer; Gil Kane, artist

WTF Wednesday: Does that come with an attachment?

The Vision, Avenger and husband to the Scarlet Witch, is a synthozoid, right? An artificial man, an android, a fancy-pants robot? OK, then I have a question about this panel:

What?!

WHAT?!?

Panel from Vision and the Scarlet Witch #1
Bill Mantlo, writer; Rick Leonardi, artist; Ian Akin and Brian Garvey, inkers

WTF Wednesday: Suddenly, the horse's name makes sense

Watching Gumby on TV when I was a kid, I always thought the whole concept of a little boy made of clay and the surreal world he called home was a little weird. Neat, but weird.

Man, that was NOTHING compared to the comic book.

Sure, the first series of all-ages stories has been getting great reviews, and it even won an Eisner, but that doesn't mean it's not ca-raaaazy. In the Free Comic Book Day issue, Gumby has accidentally infected himself with a computer worm. Luckily his pal Pokey finds an ad in a comic that leads them to a mad scientist. And like all geniuses who live in midtown castles, he has a solution: Chiseling off a chunk of Gumby, which will become a smaller Gumby that Gumby can then swallow so it can find and get rid of the computer worm inside Gumby.

Simple.

So Little Gumby takes the plunge solo ... or does he?


Gumby should be glad it wasn't Prickle.

Panel from Gumby (Free Comic Book Day issue)
Mike Hersh and Mel Smith, writers/plotters; Lance Borde, artist

WTF Wednesday: I bet she says that to all the two-headed Old West zombies

Wow. Um ... why don't I just let you soak this one in, OK? I'll just be over ... ahem ... yeah ...

Click for a larger ... oh, awkward ...

Panel from "For Neck or Nothin'," published in Wild West Show Vol. 1
Norman Partridge, writer; Marc Erickson, artist

WTF Wednesday: Happy landings!

Honestly, I'm a little surprised Superman didn't do this more often.

Click to Planet-size!

Panel from All-Star Squadron Annual #3
Roy Thomas, writer; Wayne Boring and Jerry Ordway, artists

WTF Wednesday: Well, someone's having a meltdown

When you throw the X-Men and the Fantastic Four together like spandex-clad particles in a super collider, you don't just get science — you get SUPER-SCIENCE!

Click to reactor-size!

Extra! Extra!

And now, Sue Storm — liberated woman:


Welcome to the 80s, Working Girl!

Panels from X-Men King-size Annual #5
Chris Claremont, writer; Brent Anderson, penciler; Bob McLeod, inker

WTF Wednesday: They call him Big Daddy

People were making a big deal about Cable and his X-baby carrier a couple of weeks ago, but besides being good for a laugh it also served as an important reminder of one of the undeniable truths about comics:

Whatever Cable does, Volstagg did it first.

Click to 'Stagg-size!

I love how stoic Hildy is sitting there in her baby pouch, and why would you worry if you were strapped to the Lion of Asgard? It was a nice try Cable, but chalk up another victory for the cornerstone of the Warriors Three!

Panel from The Mighty Thor #366
Walter Simonson, writer/artist