Not a dream! Not an imaginary story!

And definitely not a What If?!

Things have been waaaay too quiet around here lately, and I think you deserve an explanation. As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I left my job to go back to freelance writing (and again, if you know of any jobs or contacts, it would be awesome of you to let me know). I realized, though, that I've only told you half the story.

Not only did I leave the cozy comfort of a regular paycheck for the rough-and-tumble world of self-employment, but I'll also be moving soon. And not like a "moving to the other side of town" kind of moving. More like, "moving to the other side of the COUNTRY" moving. A combination of a university program my wife will be completing along with a hankerin' for some East Coast livin' is taking us to Delaware (just across the state line from Philadelphia) in just a few weeks.

And yes, we've seen the film clip.



As you can imagine, all this has kept things pretty busy here at Casa Romero, which in turn has stalled things a bit at GCP-HQ (didn't know I was incorporated, did you?). But no more! This time I'm giving you a definite date! A date that is coming! Right ... now!

MONDAY, MONDAY, MONNNNNDAAY!

This coming Monday, May 31, will be the beginning of a bold new era for Great Caesar's Post! Polish the china! Change your underpants! Bring in the dogs and put out the children! Above all, prepare yourselves and watch the skies!

ON MONDAY, GREAT CAESAR'S POST WILL RISE AGAIN.
AND NOTHING WILL BE THE SAME.

It's official: I'm a Geek

Ah ... another day, another — hey! Where's my dollar?!

Anyhoo, if we're Internet bezzies over on the Facebook, you may already know I recently took on the comic book news editor position over at Forces of Geek. I'm pretty excited about it and trying my best while still holding down a day job. Why don't you go over and take a look? The site has also been redesigned and I just posted a short article on a couple of Superman and Wonder Woman analogs gettin' it on in a phone booth. It's big fun, so go check it out.

In the meantime, I'll still be updating here at the ol' Post (if you hear a popping noise, that's just my brains a-sploding). And keep your eyes open for even more Big News coming soon — seriously, it's crazy-time around here!

Space Marines vs Arnie's Special Ops: Who ya got?

A few weeks ago my wife and I were having a serious discussion that eventually made its way to my Facebook page, and while there were advocates on both sides of the issue I never really felt like the thing was resolved. The mission was not over.

Nothing is over!

So I put it to you, Internet pals! In the great history of alien-ass kicking soldiers, who's tougher:

the Delta Force squad of Predator,

or the Colonial Marines from Aliens

Any way you look at it, it's a tough call; as someone pointed out to me, the Predator guys not only have Arnold Schwarzenegger at his peak, they've also got the former governor of Minnesota and MF'n Apollo Creed! On the other hand, Aliens features the craziest chola I've seen since La Smurf back in '85.

Do you think one squad has got it all over the other? Let me know in the comments, and vote for your favorite (and freedom) in the handy poll over on the right while you're at it.

Fall in!

Banananihilation!

I'm sorry about the recent lack of posting, Internet Pals, but things have just been really busy lately. Er ... including today. Which is why you get Wonder Woman lassoing a banana.


No, thank you!

*ganked from somewhere I don't remember

Ms. Marvel as you've never seen her before

The month of February began earlier this week, and with each passing day I've become more and more frustrated. Mostly because I haven't been able to mark the passing of each day.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I've been using a 2010 Marvel calendar that was given away as a free promotional item at comic book stores. It's a pretty neat calendar, with decent art depicting superheroes in their original costumes and a small line noting when the character first appeared.

But man, that Ms. Marvel picture.

I've been using the calendar in my office, and the illustration of Ms. Marvel used for February is just ... just ... well, let's just say it probably wouldn't be appreciated by my co-workers, particularly my female co-workers. But, dammit, I wanted to use my calendar! And every time I looked up to check a date, there was January staring me in the face, mocking me with its Januariness and total lack of February.

There has to be a solution, I thought. If only the character was a little more covered up. And why is she in that pose? She looks like she just woke up; hell, she looks like she just woke up from hibernation and ...

Ding!

And that's when I got an idea: Why don't I make some new clothes for Ms. Marvel? (Little did I know Dom would have the same idea, linking to his own solution in the comments of the original post and beating me by a couple of days.) But it wouldn't be just any clothes; it would be something reflecting her drowsy expression and literally laid-back posture, and possibly her desire for a pick-a-nic basket. With that in mind, I give you:

Ms. Marvel in

bear-suit pajamas

Yeah, I don't know either. But if you've got an idea of what else Carol Danvers could be wearing instead of her painfully awkward original uniform this month, I'd love to see it. Make your own alternate clothing choice, post it on your blog and send the results to me, either in the comments or shoot me an e-mail. Don't have the calendar? Here's a full-size copy of the image you can use as a template:



February's almost as short as Ms. Marvel's pants, so get crackin'! I'll post links to your fashionable suggestions below.

MS. MARVEL IN:

• a poodle skirt (Dom)

This week's pull list, and some triple-scooper poopy-dooper

Hey pal-o-minos, guess what? I just got over a major hump at the day job, and hoo-boy, I'm beat. So before my eyes pop out of my head and start bouncing around like ping-pong balls or some other bouncy thing, here's what I'm getting this week:

Anchor #4: It's bruisingly good stuff and you should be reading it. That is all.

Booster Gold #28: I wasn't very excited when Dan Jurgens took over on this title, but damn if the slightly darker tone isn't growing on me. I'm also glad to see the Blue Beetle co-feature returning as a stand-alone story with Matthew Sturges scripting.

Daytripper #2: Beautifully written, beautifully rendered art from Gabriel Bá and Fábio Moon. Don't cheat yourself out of what's shaping up to be one of the best titles out there — pick it up.

Muppet Show #1 (Vol. 2): The Muppets seem to be everywhere lately — in magazines, on YouTube and every other TV commercial. But if you want to find the real Muppets, read this comic written by Roger Langridge, which consistently captures the fun and spirit of the original show.

X-Men Origins: Cyclops #1: I must be feeling the influence of that last post, but this title is strangely appealing. Shut up.


And now, Kitty-Cat Superman:

Aaaap-choooo!

Blarg.

I've been fighting off a cold for the past couple of days, and this morning the Germ Armies waging war in my head-meats decided to up the ante by giving me a constantly running nose and sneezing fits every ... every ... ev...

BLAAAACHOOOO!!

Sorry 'bout that. In any case, I'm taking the appropriate medications and while I haven't had any orange juice yet, I have been eating a lot of tiny oranges that showed up in the office recently (in your face, #appleclub!)

...

Still, it is new comics day, so it's not a total loss. My list is light, but its heart is true and it's a pal and a confidant (holy crap, did I just quote the Golden Girls theme? I need a nap). Here's what I'm getting:

Incorruptible #1: I enjoyed Mark Waid's recent Irredeemable, even if it did seem to mostly cover the usual ground of good-guy-gone-bad (or in this case, really bad). Incorruptible is a kind of companion piece, this time following the story of a bad guy trying to go straight in a world essentially ravaged by its greatest hero, and I'm digging it already. Waid is building a whole new universe here, and it's shaping up to be some thought-provoking fun. You can take a look here.

Nola #2: I want to like this title more than I do, but for some reason I'm just having a hard time getting into it. I hope the characterization makes the character of Nola a bit less of a cipher while maintaining the unanswered tension behind why she's out for vengeance — otherwise, I'm afraid the burden of carrying a story with so much potential will rest on a character with barely enough substance to carry herself.

Underground #4: This continues to be a neat little crime comic with a unique setting and characters who become more fleshed out with each issue. I've praised this book before, and with Jeff Parker and Steve Lieber at the wheel I don't have any reason to think Underground will be anything but good stuff.

...

Quick Aside: So, I think this Girl Comics thing is a pretty good idea, and actually I wish it was a regular title instead of just a three-issue anthology. The name's kinda dumb, but I understand it's supposed to be a fun nod to Marvel's publishing history; it's a minor complaint in what I think is overall a very positive move from the Bullpen.

...

Holy smoke, I'm running out of steam here. I'd better wrap it up before I start hallucinating or ...


Oh, god.

I got nothin'

So Random Spidey is go!





Yeah, I ... I don't know what's going in that last one.


BONUS!

Batman gives Alfred the day off!

It came from '94!

So I came back from lunch today (Seafood Delight, thanks for asking) and found the most incredible, the most improbable thing waiting for me on my chair. When I realized what it was, I may have squealed.

One of my coworkers had been digging around in the supply closet and hidden there behind dusty file folders and rusting, Neolithic binder clips she found something amazing, a true relic of mythic comic book history:

A copy of the September 1994 issue of Previews.

Deep from the heart of the overheated '90s, it's filled with all the excess and cross-hatching anybody could handle. Imagine my joy when I saw this:


Vampire Batman! And not only that, it's the goddamn SEQUEL to Batman: Bloodstorm, a book apparently so awesome it made Batman bite himself in radness. As if that wasn't enough, in a bit of prescience, look at who was on the back cover:


Suddenly I was back in my sorta-tender years, snappin' into Slim-Jims and wondering what was up with that Spider-Clone thing. If you were reading comics at the time, you couldn't help but feel the excitement. Previews wasn't going to let you get away with that:


WOOOOOO!!!! DO YA FEEL THAT?!? OH, YEAH!!! YEAH!! YEAH!!! YEAH!!!!!!! IT MAKES ME WANT TO PUT ON MY FOIL-EMBOSSED UNDERPANTS AND ... AND ...

... sorry.

Anyway, I can't think of anything that could capture the overwrought, over-hyped and over-not-a-minute-too-soon '90s comic scene like this copy of Previews. In celebration of this discovery, and as a warning to you kids out there, I'll be periodically bringing you selections from Vol. IV, No. 9, the issue that dares to ask, "Do You Grock Spock?"


You've been warned!!

Smell my feet

Hoo-boy.

Let me tell you, it ain't easy to get back into the semi-regular posting after a vacation filled with cloudy weather, chowdah and almost no Internet access. And have I mentioned that I visited H.P. Lovecraft's grave? IN THE RAIN?! 'Cause I did.

Aaaaaaanyway, I haven't even really had a chance to catch up on my comic book reading yet ...

(Longish aside: OK, I did read Justice League of America #38 since it was the "jumping on point" with James Robinson taking over the writing and also since I'm a JLA fan from way back, and I was ... unimpressed. I still don't understand DC's insistence on forcing Vixen down reader's throats, and you obviously need to have read other titles to know what the hell's going on. Not exactly reader-friendly. But! I really, really enjoy what Robinson and Greg Rucka have been doing with Superman: World of New Krypton, so I'm going to give it a chance to pull its meandering head out of its stilted ass. That is all.)

... wait. What was I saying? Oh, yeah — I'm still getting caught up on recent comics. I'm also struggling with full-on Halloween fever, so with that in mind here are some tricks 'n' treats for you. I love you, no matter what your mother says.

First, the treat:


Katie Cook is a master of the phenomenally cute illustration, as well as incredibly inventive papercraft. A case in point is this awesome Batman mask (Adam West style, yo) that you can print out and make for yourself! It's pretty great, and you can download the full version — complete with instructions — at her Web site.

And the trick:

I'm not saying it's right, but let's acknowledge for a minute that, once you reach a certain age and temperament, a person might not worry so much about candy as much as wrecking someone else's shit in the name of All Hallow's Eve. I'm not condoning it — VANDALISM IS WRONG — but I won't say I never threw an egg or roll of toilet paper in my day. I may have even spray-painted something on a wall here or there, and I know if the conditions were right I might even be tempted to use this:


Behold the affirmation of all things Fury. Beautiful in its simplicity of image and message, the complete version of this stencil by Joe D! can be found and downloaded in all its flag-wavin', black-ops glory at his site.

Y'know, just in case you run out of candy or something.

And now, a random image of Godzilla with a parasol.

Sadness

Hey, look everybody — it's Wednesday Comics Superman!

Cover up: Brigade #1 (and a contest!)

Generally speaking, I try to keep things positive around here. Oh, that doesn't mean I avoid being critical — it just means I don't go out of my way to be a jerk about it. For the most part, I'd rather spend my energy talking about something I enjoy than flail around and alternate between crying at the top of my lungs or holding my breath until someone hands me a pacifier. Even though, as they say on Dagobah, hatin' is easy.

But when you come across Brigade #1 in your longbox, you gotta talk about that shit.

I must've blocked it out, because I was pretty surprised when I was flipping through my old issues and came across this stepchild:

Look, I know picking on Rob Liefeld isn't exactly original, but look at this thing. I mean, what the hell? OK, let's begin with a caveat: This cover (for a comic created, co-plotted and partially scripted by Liefeld himself) is from early in the Image poster-boy's career. At the time, Image was known for style more than substance, as well as a certain "look" that meant lots of gritted teeth, incomprehensible armor, endless pouches and as much cross-hatching as the page could handle. Oh, and characters that were suspiciously similar to other, already-popular characters from other companies (I'm surprised they didn't just introduce someone called "Molverine").

Liefeld had a lot to do with establishing the Image look, and what did it get us? Primarily an incredibly static cover, which isn't just missing a background but doesn't even have a background color. Aggravating this blanket of nothingness is a primary focus that is lost in the non-background because the character is colored almost completely in white and gray! What detail there is fades as we go from head to ... feet? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, witness the artist's famous fear of drawing anything below the ankle as our character seems to gently sink into the shapeless lump beneath him.

Speaking of lumps, let's talk about the floating heads. Now, the floating head thing has a long and distinguished past in the history of comic book covers. But these — they're just boring. Being ugly on top of that doesn't help. With the exception of the guy at top-right, there's virtually no character design and, like a sticker book, they faces look as if you could mismatch the hair and glasses until you came up with a combination you could laugh at with your friends.

Part of what's annoying about this cover — and covers like it — isn't so much the bad art. No, really. What annoys me most is the idea that it's just lazy. It looks like a half-done afterthought, where all the men are the same from the nose down (except for the big guy, who just came back from a cleaning at the dentist's) and the women have the same hair. (The big difference? Their bangs; except for the guy at the bottom-left, who has almost the same hair as the woman on the right). And I know I'm nitpicking now, and I know it's supposed to look as if the women have moist, voluptuous lips, but every time I look at them I think they're sticking their tongues out at me, as if to say, "Nyaaah! You own this comic now!"

Ugh, I could go on — from the gratutiously dripping fist to the muttonchops to the braided mullet — but I think I might snap because the more you look at it, the more questions you have. What's with the white spot on his leg? Where's his waist?

And most importantly: WHO WOULD WANT TO WIN THIS COVER?!

Phew. OK. I think I got that out of my system.

In spite of my descent into madness, you might've noticed I carefully avoided mentioning the names of any of the characters featured on this cover. There's a good reason for this; I want you to do it. As a matter of fact, I'll give this comic to the first person to correctly name all of the characters (no fair using Google, cheater); if more than one person gets it right, a "winner" will be picked at random. That's right; you could:

WIN THIS COVER!!

There's a bit of water damage at the bottom of the comic, but believe me, it doesn't make it any worse. So let's see some entries in the comments. Go on — I dare ya.